!!!!!!!! Elections Next Week Woooo !!!!!!!!
As tradition expects, this utterly serious event requires nothing less than the most formal of attire - we’re all sitting at home but why not at least try to imagine we’re in kelseys. As a reminder, this does mean no jeans, so let’s see a bit of glitz and glamour in our outfits.
If you are running for an executive position, don’t forget to prepare your parody canolo-themed song or poem, and a joke, to perform on the night!
The presidential nominees are in, so without further ado, we are super excited to reveal the presidential manifestos for each club:
I realize because of the unique circumstances of the past year not many of our new members will know me (how awful) so I thought I’d make a short poem to introduce myself (apologies in advance im not very creative)
Simply the best, better than all the rest (this would have worked better if the position was contested)
Averagely below average paddler
Rock lover, tree hater
Amoral, Ambidextrous, Axolotl
Hilarious, Hysterical, Handsome and very very Humble
Hecking awesome at sudoku, baking and other hip young things
Hellish ginger spawn of Satan
Humanities for the win! Down with STEM!
Horrendous drunken shite talker (if you see my name in the red book no you didn’t)
In all seriousness I’d like to think I'm a friendly bubbly member of the club so whether you are planning on joining me on the canoe exec, or are just looking forward to coming on some trips, this year should hopefully be more eventful then the last.
In terms of promises I think we’ve all learnt our lesson about making overly optimistic plans so a key objective is just to try and return to as close to normalcy as Corona allows. However, some other points of focus for the club are
Developing WWSR and leadership skills to improve the quality and quantity of capable members and ensure the safety and viability of our river trips now and in future years
Introducing a radical deforestation strategy, in accordance with the clubs standing hatred of trees, to rid british rivers of those pesky branches once and for all.
Boosting confidence in freshers by personally swimming on every eddy line
It’s hard to improve on perfection, but I’ve still put together a comprehensive reform plan, ensuring the clubs future and providing an excellent service to all our members, the core parts of this plan are summarised below:
The creation of the “Debt Collector” Exec position to ensure no member or organisation can remain indebt to the club.
Diverting focus for WMG from “Driverless Cars” to “Driverless Kayaks” this will reduce club faff and ensure the club fully embraces the future.
A financial contribution to the start up “Coach Dans, Coaches and Vans” to ensure the club has access to transport for the coming year.
The creation of HS3 and HS4, high speed kayak-friendly rail services connecting the Midlands to North Wales, and the Scottish Highlands, ensuring fast access to rivers.
The purchase of a “City grade” shower to ensure on demand white water in periods of little or no rain and send the water bill to Canoe Polo.
As you can see I have some dramatic ideas which I’m sure you will agree will benefit the club dramatically, therefore I am clearly the only choice, vote Pebble and make Canoe great again!
While this year hasn’t seen much time actually on the water, I fully intend to get back in the pool as a club. This means my key aim is to encourage as many new members as possible. This shall be achieved through 3 key initiatives:
1. Being a welcoming and fully inclusive club to all
While this may be relatively self-explanatory, almost everyone who joins the club has never even heard of the sport, let alone played it, I certainly hadn’t, and it’s is easy to let the club focus on the more skilled members, who, generally are very familiar with the sport and club already. To prevent this, there will be many skills sessions held, catered to all levels and abilities. The sports fair shall also be an engaging and fun event, aimed at enticing people from every end of the university.
2. Offering well organised pool sessions when they return to ensure everyone notices personal improvement
Rapid improvement in any sport can be very encouraging, and may be the key to retaining members, people may often leave after a few weeks if they feel they’ve stagnated early. At the top of my agenda regarding how sessions shall be run, games being played will be monitored by exec members to help mentor new members. This will help members quickly gain new skills. Another reason for this is it should help prepare the club for tournaments, which we are currently not prepared for.
3. Ending the age long feud with canoe
This is this unnecessary, and I refuse to let it continue. Why can’t we all just be friends? This isn’t just a matter of kindness; I also appreciate that canoe can be a reliable source of members, and I would like to take full advantage of this next year. This will be done by having two fully collaborative execs, bridged by each exec having committed members of both sports.
One other key aspect of the club, vital next year, is our sponsorship with Esquires coffee. It’s important that we develop this relationship further over the coming year as it’s still in its early infancy and we cannot risk losing it. Through hosting socials and meetings as well various forms of publicity, we hope to show the benefits the club can bring to them.
I fully understand that this year has understandably not seen much in the way of personal development for paddlers or recruitment of new members, and that is why I also hope to fulfil much of what Claudia hoped to achieve this year, on top of my new aims.
Please vote for me!
Just as my ancestors before me, my whole life has been *literally* shaped by the water, so I fail to see how any other candidate could be more appropriate for this role.
As president, I will endeavour to shift the club’s focus back to the most relevant and important form of polo; the mint with the hole.
More specifically, I believe it is of utmost importance that all of our members are made aware of the extensive polo options available to them, which include, but are not limited to:
Original Polo mint: the original and best
Spearmint: “cool look, cool taste”
Fruit: strawberry, blackcurrant, orange, lemon and lime - all in one tube!!
Polo Gummies: for the soft-at-heart, gummy sweets in a polo shape
Butter mint polos: not new but less well known, had to be included in this list
Sugar free: but still sweet!! Contains sorbitol
Don’t make the wrong decision, no other candidate will leave you feeling so minty fresh